Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Chasing Rainbows

As summer starts to come to a close, I am constantly reminding myself to enjoy the freedom I've had since May, when my most recent semester of classes ended.

I took an online class as well as a calculus class on campus, and it was a lot of work, but am happy to report that I finished very well, and was also accepted into the Bachelor program at my college.

I start in the fall, and will be a full time student for the first time in a very long time. The way the program works is that we take four classes, but only two at a time; we take two the first 8 weeks and two the second 8 weeks. The classes are obviously on an accelerated time-table, and they have already stressed how important it is to keep up and make sure you are organized when it comes to deadlines and also checking in with your course and professor for updates.

The two classes I will take during the first 8-week "mod" are online and the second "mod" I will be on campus for both of my classes. This involves a temporary schedule change at work, but I will have to just deal with not having my beloved Tuesdays off for 8 weeks.

Thinking about all of that, especially now that I see it all written out, I am slightly overwhelmed and a little bit nervous.

I know I am more than capable of completing the semester with flying colors. I am very confident in my abilities as a student. What I am not confident in though, is the consistency this type of schedule requires and whether I am capable of keeping that up for so long.

I didn't take classes this past summer, and it was the first time I haven't been in school or taking some sort of academic class since I returned from my year long break after my sophomore year back in 2009-2010.

It probably sounds crazy but I have had a really hard time relaxing this summer. I really thought that not having classes and constant due dates and assignments and to-do lists would calm my mind down. But I think that in the last three years I have gotten so used to having something on my mind that this entire summer I have literally created things to fill the void this summer.

And I am not complaining.

I have become so obsessed with making sure I eat right and get excercise. I am so desperate to see a change in myself by having better habits and it has given me confidence in a place I didn't usually have it.

The habits I am working so hard to build... I am thinking and hoping that they will help me with the consisency I need to succeed. I am starting to think I won't have a problem keeping with school and the due dates and the work.

I am looking forward to the fact that these are only 8 week classes, which is just about my attention span for a subject anyway. Just as the class is starting it will seem to be ending, and I'm hoping that makes this program fly by.

I know that the rest of the summer will fly by, and so I am giving myself a personal deadline.

I want to make sure that I am as successful as possible in my program and everyone knows that a clear mind when it comes to personal issues is the first step in success in other areas.

I always say that you can't love someone unless you love yourself first.

Well, I want to love MP but also I want to love school.

So, in the meantime, I am going to work on myself: my health and fitness and overall confidence. And let myself dream at the same time, and remind myself to relax.

I have the time to chase rainbows for a few more weeks.

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